I think I have learned friendship

I have never had many friends in my life. I am not very smart, never really had (or have) any talents, I'm not good at doing very many things, and because I was "different" (boys were more fun then girls, so that's what I wanted to be) I never quite felt like I fit.
Junior High wasn't anymore comfortable then elementary was. It was important to be liked and I was weird. Different was not good. Not only was I different, but I had a secret. Something I had done that was very stupid and was a constant reminder of my lack of worth. I knew people that I could be friendly with, but no one I could share things with. So I pretended I didn't care about anything, I was just a screw up and a miss fit, and I found "friendship". This meant you had to produce to be accepted, and being accepted would not always last much past the hangover. I pretended well, but still never did fit, so I tried to become invisible. That was painful and lonely. It also made me keenly aware of my lack of value and once again I found myself being the cheap commodity that by now I knew I was. So I hid myself, all of the ugly I had become, and made friends by standing in the shadows. These "friends" are co-workers, church members, stuff like that. I was sure(and some days still am) that if anyone knew who I really was, they would not want me anywhere near.
It was a very long time before a friend found me. She was a "friend" like anyone else. But during a phone call she pried and I told her some things I was struggling with I didn't think I would hear from her again and I certainly didn't want to see her! I was evil and she should stay away. I thought I had lost someone that I did really kinda like. I felt totally alone. She called and asked me to come over. Since that day, I have learned a lot. I still don't understand why she (or anyone else) is my friend, but I am trying. I don't think I even really knew what it meant to have and to be a friend. This friend has told me several times how much I mean to her. Just the other day she told me she loved me............ For the first time I really truly knew in every inch of me that she meant it. No strings attached and with all my flaws she actually cares about me! I have very few people in my life that I would call my friend. But I am very grateful for those few. I think I have a very different view of a true friend now.
A friend is someone that you are concerned about all the time, not just when it is convenient or looks good. It's someone you want happiness for and that you know you can trust. It's someone that you my not know very well, but shows up on your door because a friend knew you were struggling. It's that same person that you never call but think about always and hope she is doing well. It's the guy that is concerned enough for you and your family to make two trips to the hospital in one week. My friends are all of those people. Thank you all for teaching me friendship.